FUCK YOU COLLEGE

I have recently found out that I have been rejected from my dream school. How did I handle it?

Well, I didn't cry hysterically, I didn't burn all of my college paraphernalia, I didn't drop out of high school, and most importantly, I didn't go on a murder rampage killing everyone of their admitted students. But what did I do? ...I don't really have an answer for you.

I'm still trying to figure that out myself. I quickly began to focus on my second and third choice colleges, convincing myself that they were better than my first. (And they are, obviously)

But it's whatever, I'll live. And become supppppa famous, and NYU will realize that rejecting me was the biggest mistake of their life.
(Don't you love how I refer to them as one entity?)  

God is telling me not to be a whore,

So, I got a little carried away at my friend's 18th birthday party....

Basically I met this guy named Kyle, and we hooked up, "Get it or Regret it" has always been my motto but never before have I've gone so far sexually without knowing the guy. He drove me home because I was too intoxicated to drive and the entire time he was apologizing because he didn't know I was a virgin, we didn't have sex, but we did come close. I didn't really care, I'm usually a boisterous individual, but when I'm drunk I'm the meekest little girl so I didn't say anything. He apologizing made the entire thing awkward, I must admit. I mean it was my decision. I let it happen.

...3 days later I get a "Severe Throat Infection"...

This is God telling me not to be whore.

Attempting to make myself seem knowledgeable,

It's the most wonderful time of the year--sike. Just sitting here filling out college apps. I feel like I'm not smart enough to apply Ivy league but I taking a chance and just going for it! One of the questions is what blogs, publications, and websites to I read on a regular basis. I'll probably shout out one of your lovely blogs darlings!

But I simply cannot shake this feeling of inferiority. Hopefully, I'll be accepted to my dream college on the 15th and I'll be done with the whole thing!

Anywho, I am suppose to be going out on an social outgoing with a boy that I  find highly attractive! Wish me luck! It's not a date because lot of our mutual friends are coming but it will be the first time we hangout ever! I'm so excited. I hope he comes, I'll blog about it later!

xoxo

Expectations

I know you guys are probably sick and tired of hearing about my problems. But anywho, I've decided that love should not be chased. My family, friends, and SOCIETY (curse you!) continue to pressure me into a relationship. There are a few boys I'm trying to talk to but I don't get butterflies when I see them, I frankly don't care if they text me back--simply put, I don't like anyone right now. Sure, I think Yanni is cute, (and he kind of sorta give me butterflies) but we don't talk much outside of class so, why pursue anyone else?

I don't know why I am such an independent person, I think New York made me this way. In the words of the wise, "You're not a true New Yorker until you navigate the streets on your own". I try my best to live free in every aspect I can. Free from social limitations, and the expectations society has for me. Live Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

At work,

So I run into an old friend today, and he's with a guy that I've always thought was a tad attractive....I wish I had a little me courage. I really wanted to just be like "Hey, text me sometime" but I couldn't. Oh, well. My co-worker told me that there was no point really because it only would have lasted for 2 months.

...more like 2 weeks. I have commitment issues. In psychology we learned that Stage 6 Intimacy v. Isolation is heavily effected by Stage 1 Trust v. Mistrust. Ok, now this is going to become one big cliche...but because me and my father were so close the first few years of my life and then when he moved to Africa we lost touch. (That's like the insanely short version) So basically, I'm like the hundreds of millions of females that have daddy issues. Wish I was unique.

Veganism? Ballsy?

I'm trying to go on my vegan diet but it's kind of hard when you have no idea what vegans can and cannot eat. I am buying soy milk today, but I have no idea how I'm going to give up yogurt! I love it so much! Well, we'll see.

Yesterday, my gay friend, Amani, asked out a straight guy (with a girlfriend!). I really admire his ballsy-ness. Honestly, I wish I could ask out a guy. My mom's pressuring to get a boyfriend too, SO AWKWARD. Too bad I'm still not over the last boy I talked to, who got a girlfriend while I was on vacation. Cool right? Love my life. But Amani is trying to get my to ask out this boy I've been crushing on at school, "We're seniors, you'll never see him again, just do it!" but I see him everyday in 4th hour...Amani doesn't understand how uncomfortable I'll be seeing the boy that rejected me everyday until the semester is over....

Should I do it?

Trying this new thing,

I've been a vegetarian for a while now and I think I'm ready to make the step towards veganism! This is exciting, but I'm definitely in need of support. I'll probably go stalk some vegan blogs...

Also, I am currently in stage 5 of the human life cycle, (according to Erik Erikson) and I'm definitely having an identity crisis. In my AP Psychology class today I couldn't think of 10 words that describe things that I cannot live without. I listed genertic things like fashion, family, reading, and writing...but really? How does that equate Nneka? It doesn't. I am so confused by myself.