Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Goodbye my hopeless dream,

Today I had an epiphany.

Love Cannot Be Chased.

I have spent the past several weeks obsessing over a guy. My teenage immaturity has taken over and chipped away at my sense of reason. At my dignity. My actions over the past several weeks have done nothing but scream desperation. I have been making a complete fool out of myself. And so naturally, I hate him. But I'm realizing it's not him that I hate, it's the entity he represents. It's my weakness. I hate the fact that in a split second my entire being revolves around a guy who paid an ounce of attention. Whether it be a kiss, hug, or wink I take it and run with it. I am not a realist. My imgination goes wild, and I envision myself in a committed relationship with a complete stranger. And for so reason or another, despite my head, my heart chases it.

And that leads me here. The brief moment in time where my underdeveloped prefrontal cortex activates and gets grip on my current situation. When you look yourself in the mirror and go, "What am I doing?" and you become utterly repulsed by your own behavior.

I was willing to, "Beat that bitch's ass" over a guy. A "bitch" whom I've been friends with for four consecutive years. Who have I become? Since when do I even engage in the usage of such ratchet terminology?

I'm so happy I've come to my senses.

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